ioana
in quest for genuine
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About Me
- Name: ioana
- Location: Bucharest, Romania
I experiment with myself and the world around me. I always seek for that small sparkle of what's real and authentic in things, people, nature...
Archive
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Back - live and kickin' :D
One unbelievable month in Africa....
I just came back yesterday, and it's still hard to grasp being home. Even after two hot showers (hot being here a key word) I can still feel the African dust in my hair and the ocean salt on my skin. And that stillness in my heart, that tranquility which somehow grows inside you in Africa.
the yellow plains of the savannah
the green highlands with their banana and coffee plantations
the ice fields in Kilimanjaro's crater rim
the unbelievable blue of the ocean
the feeling of watching a lion cub play 3m away from me
So many stories I want to share, so many pictures I want to show you! I'm still unpacking this week, and I hope to update the blog during the weekend.
It's good to be back, I've missed you all :)
I just came back yesterday, and it's still hard to grasp being home. Even after two hot showers (hot being here a key word) I can still feel the African dust in my hair and the ocean salt on my skin. And that stillness in my heart, that tranquility which somehow grows inside you in Africa.
the yellow plains of the savannah
the green highlands with their banana and coffee plantations
the ice fields in Kilimanjaro's crater rim
the unbelievable blue of the ocean
the feeling of watching a lion cub play 3m away from me
So many stories I want to share, so many pictures I want to show you! I'm still unpacking this week, and I hope to update the blog during the weekend.
It's good to be back, I've missed you all :)
Monday, July 28, 2008
tomorrow, tomorrow
i love you, tomorrow, you're only a day away....I think it's an old song, Grace Jones I guess.
So, yes! TOMORROW! How is possible that with the best planning, with making lists, and taking time to pack, things are always crowded on the last 100 meters??!! While it seams so far away, yet so little time left till tomorrow, I'm facing my very own problems today. Like say, not being able to find some of the clothes I really need. Or buying a very expensive mountain jacket and discovering the hood is incomplete. Or not having a sleeping bag. Or still having tones of work at the office.
But, on another side, a little part of my brain is whispering: "tomorrow...we're going to Africa tomorrow!!! I can't believe it!!" My African dream is about to start, snow caped Kilimanjaro is waiting for me, I'll soon be lying on the chilled Zanzibar beach, I'll see the people, the colors, life....
Sight, so I guess my excitement is back, no need to worry :))
I have a suprise for you all, but I don't know if it will be ready on time. We'll see tomorrow!
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
almost, almost leaving
One more week before taking off for Africa...gosh, I can barely hold on waiting here...
Odd enough, I don't feel like I usually do before departing: excited and energetic and crazy. I can almost say I'm bored and annoyed. Lots of work to be solved before leaving, lots of things to put in order, lots of stuff to buy and pack.
Sleepy these days. Felt like I've been running for too much of awhile now, and I need to sit down and rest. And sleep :) I want a couple of not-doing-anything-days before I leave. Not going somewhere, not doing this or that....just chilling.
I almost finished The Fountainhead. Almost, as this 700+ pages book took me almost two weeks to read. I can' remember when a book took me so much time, but I felt like I needed to digest everything. What I like about it is that I can't tell if I like it not, if I agree or not. I guess some more digestion is required :)
Odd enough, I don't feel like I usually do before departing: excited and energetic and crazy. I can almost say I'm bored and annoyed. Lots of work to be solved before leaving, lots of things to put in order, lots of stuff to buy and pack.
Sleepy these days. Felt like I've been running for too much of awhile now, and I need to sit down and rest. And sleep :) I want a couple of not-doing-anything-days before I leave. Not going somewhere, not doing this or that....just chilling.
I almost finished The Fountainhead. Almost, as this 700+ pages book took me almost two weeks to read. I can' remember when a book took me so much time, but I felt like I needed to digest everything. What I like about it is that I can't tell if I like it not, if I agree or not. I guess some more digestion is required :)
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Today, more than ever
Today, perhaps, because of spending a useless sad angry night. Today, because of missing your arms around me. Today, for hearing you whisper my name. Today I'm putting my armory behind, letting go of all these needs and boundaries.
I think too much (yes, so I've been told). I can't really help it, it's in my nature I guess. I'm worrying too much (yes, I know it). I haven't been like this, but when you get burnt once you become so. And I can be a picky annoying nag sometimes (yes, I admit it). So, today, more than ever, thank you, for understanding, for trying, for giving in...
There is no way in knowing what the future holds. I know that, yet I still much too often try to foresee it, to understand it, to prevent it even. It's as useless as trying to escape the past. The past will always be there, it has already happened and nothing can change that. So I guess all that's left is the present...I wonder how many times already have I reached this conclusion?....And neither of these times was nice or easy...
I think too much (yes, so I've been told). I can't really help it, it's in my nature I guess. I'm worrying too much (yes, I know it). I haven't been like this, but when you get burnt once you become so. And I can be a picky annoying nag sometimes (yes, I admit it). So, today, more than ever, thank you, for understanding, for trying, for giving in...
There is no way in knowing what the future holds. I know that, yet I still much too often try to foresee it, to understand it, to prevent it even. It's as useless as trying to escape the past. The past will always be there, it has already happened and nothing can change that. So I guess all that's left is the present...I wonder how many times already have I reached this conclusion?....And neither of these times was nice or easy...
"Every now and then, I like to do things nice and easy
But somehow, I never ever seam to do
Nothing completely
Nice, Easy
You know why?
Cause we like to do it
Nice and Rough"
But somehow, I never ever seam to do
Nothing completely
Nice, Easy
You know why?
Cause we like to do it
Nice and Rough"
Thursday, June 19, 2008
The Romanian classic
I have this odd desire to mix classic music with Romanian folk, none of them being what I ordinary listen. The most wonderful mix and match is Nigel Kennedy's tribute to Maria Tanase. Just thought to share :)
At ease on the rock
It finally came! I had a couple of grin weeks when I almost decided to quite climbing. That beautiful ballet you see at the good climbers just seamed so far away, that I felt detached from it. As if it was unattainable for me. I could no longer do even the moves I knew before. This led to that "wonderful" line of feelings one experiences when failing: anger, rejection, fear...
Patience. Breathe, be patient. My fingers hurt! Breathe, be patient. My skin peels! Breathe, in and out. I'm afraid of falling! Hang on, be patient. Damn in, I can't do this move! Breathe, just breathe.
I don't know where the line between being too patient with yourself and pushing yourself too much is. But I stumbled upon it last Saturday. I felt such at ease on the rock. Still gripping too hard, but happy to be there. Still making the wrong moves, but feeling them, feeling the rock, conscious of myself.
Me happy :)
Patience. Breathe, be patient. My fingers hurt! Breathe, be patient. My skin peels! Breathe, in and out. I'm afraid of falling! Hang on, be patient. Damn in, I can't do this move! Breathe, just breathe.
I don't know where the line between being too patient with yourself and pushing yourself too much is. But I stumbled upon it last Saturday. I felt such at ease on the rock. Still gripping too hard, but happy to be there. Still making the wrong moves, but feeling them, feeling the rock, conscious of myself.
Me happy :)
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Blue Shoes
I just bought this pair of new custom made shoes. Amazing design, great leather and fantastic quality work. I wanted something a bit more extravagant, so I went for a blue color. Electric blue. Very electric blue!
I was worried they won't fit with my wardrobe, since I mostly wear blacks, browns and nudes. And they don't :) But I don't care, I love them! I could buy a whole wardrobe just to fit them. They are just so....well, beautiful doesn't really describe it! It's that feeling that I have, like I'm a total princess and the world is at my feet. And believe me, the word *princess* is like my antonym. I don't even like *princessy* girls, usually when I see one I feel like instantly slapping her.
But I guess I just needed to find the right pair of shoes to start to understand :) And because Sex and the City is in these days, I'd quote Carrie: Give a girl the right shoes, and she'll conquer the world!
Monday, June 09, 2008
The mental chill out
I gave it some thought after a long phone conversation with a dear friend. He said women need to talk to close a chapter, while men just need to forget about it and move on. Never thought about it in these terms. I do feel the need to close things, and I do need to talk them through somehow. I just feel that they are not closed if they remain unspoken, unexplained and unforgiven. Although I am not sure how or when will this happen.
Happiness can be selfish sometimes. It surely is now. But I can't and won't turn away from it. In all this restlessness and turmoil, it finally feels right. Right to be wrong, right to be happy, right to be myself. Alas.
As for the past, it is said that those who dwell on it too much will miss out the future. I choose to leave behind only a part of it, the one that doesn't worth remembering. As for the rest of it, it has taught me some lessons, and it has been valuable at that time, so no reason to forget about it just because it's not the same now. Setting apart the wrongs and the rights takes time, but it becomes easier as feelings settle down. I'm not there yet, but my mind is finally chilled...
Happiness can be selfish sometimes. It surely is now. But I can't and won't turn away from it. In all this restlessness and turmoil, it finally feels right. Right to be wrong, right to be happy, right to be myself. Alas.
As for the past, it is said that those who dwell on it too much will miss out the future. I choose to leave behind only a part of it, the one that doesn't worth remembering. As for the rest of it, it has taught me some lessons, and it has been valuable at that time, so no reason to forget about it just because it's not the same now. Setting apart the wrongs and the rights takes time, but it becomes easier as feelings settle down. I'm not there yet, but my mind is finally chilled...