ioana
in quest for genuine
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About Me
- Name: ioana
- Location: Bucharest, Romania
I experiment with myself and the world around me. I always seek for that small sparkle of what's real and authentic in things, people, nature...
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Friday, May 05, 2006
Mosaic
The cigarette smoke smells posh but it tastes like crap! Nevertheless, I inhale deeply the Virginia Slims Lights, and take a sip from the glass with whisky and coke. 15 minutes till I leave for the club. I have this ache for dancing again, the fever in my body, and I can’t wait to unleash it on the dance floor. But for now I’m just sitting perfectly still, not even one muscle moving, with my eyes half closed and just absorbing the smoke, alcohol and Faithless:
“Wearing what some call panty hose, cause you look wicked in scanty clothes…You’re my antidote to city life, my pretty wife…”
The ioana in the mirror is truncated: most pieces of her are pending somewhere, leaving the wicked and deliberate side of me to exist freely. I like to experiment of removing the other aspects of my personality, and to leave just one side of it clean and clear, putting it then under the microscope to observe my behavior. I see myself as a whole made from smaller parts, like a mosaic which blends its pieces one in the other, but when you look close you can see that each little bit has its individual shape and color. I started to dissect myself and live each part individually, as a separate person, until I fully understand it and I know what I identify with and with what I don’t.
The annoying part is that I easily get lost at the beginning of each personality, and it’s messing up my life for the moment. Well, not really my life, but it’s hard for my friends to understand me when I behave contradictory. However, I think this leads to a more colorful, brighter and beautiful mosaic.
I’ve come to know them all now: the beautiful, the ugly, the impulsive, the timid, the glamorous, the intellectual, the frivol, the snob, the naïve, all of my sides. Of course the trick is not to stay endlessly in the process, but to put a stop and move on. Different sides and behaviors will never cease to appear as life puts us in different situations. But the true and relevant self is lying right before your eyes, and the reason we don’t see if is that we choose too much to merely exist, and not really to live…
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Dialogues with the Easter Bunny, at 5 am, over a glass of wine
Well, I will be honest, there were numerous glasses of wine, for many nights in a row, for the entire week when I was in Austria. I will not blame it on Artur, it’s not his fault that he has too many shelves of alcohol in his house, so many that Alina and I felt obliged to get rid of as many as possible!
Ok, so the thing is I was on holiday in Austria for almost a week, phone closed, no e-mail, denying any connection with the “real world” of work and other irrelevant things. And I didn’t really meet the Easter Bunny, but I had some great conversations with Arthur at weird times in the morning, when we were so tired and wasted that communication was in its purest form possible. It’s great to share feelings with someone with the same role and responsibilities as I had over this year, talking about achievements, mistakes, laughing about frustrations and bitching about our initial expectations. Life is just so delicious, nothing happens as planned!
Austria was different that what I planned too. I remembered Vienna as the city of romantic lights and gothic churches, but instead I found a place full of:
Fun
Laziness
Parties
Wild parties
Shopping :)
All in all, I am so grateful I was able to take this time at this particular moment, and I am really thankful to Artur for being an amazing host, and to Alina, for being so indulgent with me. Guys, you two look really good together :)
Ok, so the thing is I was on holiday in Austria for almost a week, phone closed, no e-mail, denying any connection with the “real world” of work and other irrelevant things. And I didn’t really meet the Easter Bunny, but I had some great conversations with Arthur at weird times in the morning, when we were so tired and wasted that communication was in its purest form possible. It’s great to share feelings with someone with the same role and responsibilities as I had over this year, talking about achievements, mistakes, laughing about frustrations and bitching about our initial expectations. Life is just so delicious, nothing happens as planned!
Austria was different that what I planned too. I remembered Vienna as the city of romantic lights and gothic churches, but instead I found a place full of:
Fun
Laziness
Parties
Wild parties
Shopping :)
All in all, I am so grateful I was able to take this time at this particular moment, and I am really thankful to Artur for being an amazing host, and to Alina, for being so indulgent with me. Guys, you two look really good together :)